By Atiq Raja
The fragile seed of a child’s heart holds within it endless possibilities, a quiet promise waiting to blossom under the right conditions—love, care, and trust. Parents are the first gardeners entrusted with this delicate task. They hold the power to nurture, protect, and help that seed grow into a strong, vibrant life. Yet, what happens when the very hands meant to nurture instead cause harm? When love is confused with control, when discipline crosses into harshness, when tradition masks emotional neglect? This is the painful reality of toxic parenting—an invisible but deep wound carried silently across generations. Toxic parenting is not simply about a stern hand or firm rules. It is a complex web of behaviors that, intentionally or not, inflict emotional damage.
Often rooted not in cruelty but in ignorance, unresolved trauma, or rigid cultural norms, toxic parenting hides behind excuses like “this is how we were raised” or “it’s for their own good.” But good intentions cannot undo the lasting impact of constant criticism that chips away at a child’s self-esteem, or gas lighting that dismisses their feelings as mere sensitivity. It is the emotional manipulation that makes a child question their reality, the withholding of affection as punishment, and the control that denies them any autonomy. This is not discipline. It is emotional abuse that leaves scars so deep they are often invisible to the outside world but shape the child’s inner life in profound ways.
These wounds do not simply disappear once a child grows up. Instead, they echo throughout a lifetime. Many adults who endured toxic parenting carry with them a gnawing self-doubt, an internal voice that whispers they are never good enough, no matter what they achieve. Anxiety and depression become unwelcome companions, while perfectionism turns life into a constant struggle for approval. Worse still, the toxic patterns can be unknowingly passed on, as adults repeat the same behaviors they learned as children, perpetuating a cycle of hurt. Relationships suffer as trust becomes fragile, intimacy feels dangerous, and emotional withdrawal becomes a shield against potential pain. The child who once heard “You’re not worthy” often grows into an adult who believes they are unlovable, carrying that message deep inside.
Yet amidst this bleak reality, there is hope. Toxic parenting is not a life sentence. Change is possible, but it begins with something simple and profound: awareness. The willingness to recognize harmful patterns and choose a different path. Parenting is not about control but guidance. It is about listening, truly listening, to the child’s voice rather than drowning it out with lectures or demands. Simple acts of validation—“I see you’re upset”—can make a world of difference, making a child feel heard and understood in ways that “Stop crying” never could. When parents let go of the need to control every decision and instead support their child’s autonomy in age-appropriate ways, they build confidence and resilience.
Healing oneself is a crucial part of breaking the cycle. Many parents carry their own unresolved traumas, which can unknowingly shape their approach to their children. Seeking therapy or support is not a sign of weakness but a brave step toward breaking patterns of pain. Apologizing when wrong is another powerful act of growth. It models humility and emotional maturity and shows children that making mistakes is human and that responsibility matters. Celebrating effort instead of only results teaches children to value themselves beyond grades or achievements, fostering creativity, resilience, and a healthier sense of self.
Saying “This stops with me” can be a revolutionary act. It is a commitment to nurturing children not as objects to perfect or mirrors to reflect parental ego but as whole, complex souls deserving of unconditional love, respect, and safety. Love is not loud gestures or rigid rules; it is the quiet presence, patience, and steady creation of a home where children feel safe to simply be themselves. To raise a child to survive their parents’ moods or earn their love is to deny them their basic human dignity. Instead, children deserve to know they are inherently worthy, heard, and loved without conditions.
Breaking free from toxic parenting is about choosing a better way, a more compassionate way, not only for the children we raise today but for the generations that will follow. It requires honesty and humility, the courage to face difficult truths, and the commitment to nurture those tender seeds with the gentleness and care they deserve. In doing so, we do not merely change the lives of individual children—we change the fabric of our society, planting hope where once there was hurt, and cultivating a future where every child can grow free and strong.
(The writer is a rights activist and CEO of AR Trainings and Consultancy, with degrees in Political Science and English Literature, can be reached at news@metro-morning.com)
